vs. 
This past weekend John and I went to both—Rockin’ on the River in Cuyahoga Falls on Friday and Lock 3 in downtown Akron on Saturday.
I have sort of strong opinions about both of these festivals…Let the throwdown begin!
Parking: I have to throw this in there… at Lock 3 John and I went to just park in one of the UA campus decks downtown, since I have a parking pass and everything. There was a guy at both entrances to the deck charging people $5 to park there. John pointed to the parking pass hanging on my mirror and he was like, “I have a campus parking pass here that I already paid 100 bucks for. I don’t really want to pay another 5, you know?” but the guy wouldn’t let us in without paying, so John pointed to another empty campus lot across the street that was not monitored and said, “Well, I’m going to go park over there where it’s free.” Lock 3, you lose this one.
Food: The mainfare at Lock 3 was ribs… I have never seen so many rib shanties proudly displaying the trophies they had won in rib burnoff contests. I had no idea this was so important and so pointless at the same time—every single rib place had like the exact same amount of trophies to display, so it made no difference. But there was a huge variety of food; not just ribs, and the prices were at least $1 less than everything at Rockin’ on the River. In the falls, I got a moderately sized waffle cone with sprinkles for $5.50 (no joke!). At Akron, I got a gigantic (probably like 32-oz) Reese's Pieces blizzard-thing for $5. Way, way better.
Beverages: The mainfare at both places was, obviously, beer. According to John, the River had a better selection than the Lock—Bud Light vs. Miller Light… both equally disgusting, in my opinion. At the River, it seemed like the entire point of being there was for the beer—you could buy a stack of tokens and exchange them for little plastic cups full of Bud. That seemed to be pretty much the entire point of being there for most people.
Entertainment: The River had a Jimmy Buffett cover band, and let me tell you, it was amazing to look around and watch middle aged but going-on-twenty people in all varieties of Hawaiian shirts waving their arms in the air and gyrating awkwardly with a drink in their hand. The Lock had a soul band from Louisiana that was pretty good. This time I got to watch children bopping around and rolling down the hill, black and white women dancing together, and a couple of men so into themselves and their moves that they wouldn’t have noticed me staring at them anyway. The Lock also had a bunch of children's rides and fireworks—probably the best fireworks I have ever seen!! Way to go Akron!
Crowd: In the words of one of my former clients, “Let me put it to you like this.” The River was like Kid Rock, and the Lock was like Beyonce mixed with Kelly Clarkson. At the Lock, Haley and I were counting the underage girls who were dressed, um, inappropriately. I think we ran out of fingers. The same could be said about the River though. Way too many people, of all ages, without enough clothes on.
Best Moment: At the River, the best moment was probably when Dan Leipold couldn’t remember half of the people from his high school that were saying hello to him, and his conversations were like, “Heeeeey you! … It’s been like 9 years! [Since he graduated, generic]. Remember that one time at the place? Yeah, I was totally there. It was awesome, wasn’t it?” At the Lock, the best moment was when John dropped an entire rib in his lap and splattered sauce everywhere, including on the person next to him, and then asked me to get napkins and wipe him off. I even had to take off his glasses and wipe those. I am a good wife. But it was moderately hilarious.
Comfort: At the River, I had to stand shoulder to shoulder with our group while people thirsty for more beer kept pushing past us. At one point, Dan turned to John and whispered, “That old lady just grabbed my @$$ with both hands!” We think she was trying to push him out of the way, but then again… you never know. At the Lock, we got to sit in the grass while our backsides became “moist” (catch word of the evening) on top of a hill, relatively undisturbed. Half of the time John let me be in his lap, so that was lovely. Even though it was covered in dried rib sauce. I didn’t really care.
THE VERDICT: Lock 3 definitely steals the show, hands down. If I ever want to surround myself with a bunch of beer-drinking, cigar smoking, undulating 50-year-olds or a pack of screaming scantily clad teeny-boppers again, I can probably go to a Garth Brooks concert.