I think it is hitting me pretty hard this evening that I am feeling weary of giving up so many things to pursue a career in counseling.
Think of it: to be a therapist, you interact with so many people in an incredibly intimate context. You sit across from someone while they share with you their most secret, private, negative, hopeless, or unacceptable feelings. The goal is for them to open up as much as possible. On the flip side of this though, your goal is also to keep your personal reactions, thoughts, and life circumstances to yourself, lest it affect your client. After you listen to people tell you horrible stories about suicide, abuse, rape, poverty, discrimination, depression, you name it; you cannot repeat this information to anyone. You can’t go home at the end of the day and tell your significant other about your work. You can’t really talk to your friends about how heart-wrenching it all is.
In addition, you have to watch what your clients (or students, or supervisees) are able to find out about you. Should your clients know you are married/partnered, what city you live in, what you enjoy in your free time, where you grew up, or where you like to hang out and what you do for fun? Should they be able to see pictures of you and your kids? In our profession, we have pretty much been taught that the answer is no. Supply information about yourself with discretion. Express your opinions rarely, and with caution when you do. If you find out that you and your client like to go to the same bar, you stop going there so that your client doesn’t have to feel uncomfortable. You don’t do or talk about anything in public that you wouldn’t want a student seeing you do or talk about.
One big newsflash that I am realizing more and more as I interact with other mental health trainees or professionals: Counselors are not superhuman! We have fears, insecurities, and emotional pain just like everyone else. We just say things like, “Tell me more,” and talk about scientific data and “what the literature says,” and lobby for social justice and equal rights, and give lectures on personality and treatment modalities, and have case conferences about people dealing with issues that we ourselves have dealt with also but are afraid to admit out loud to each other, lest anyone know our true selves.