I just realized that I have been eating these cheddar cheese soy crisps that expired in October 2011. That can’t be good.
Melvin vs. Neighborhood Fatty
More adventures in cat land, brought to you by my adorable feline!
The other night I was doing some work at the kitchen table. It was after dark, but the screen door was open and our patio light was on. Melvin was out prowling the yard in his usual fashion. All of a sudden, I heard this loud cat shriek, in the form of, “Rrrreeeeoooow!”. I looked out the patio door and I saw Melvin on his back with his 4 paws in the air. Because it was dark I didn’t see the other cat at first, but upon closer inspection I saw that the huge neighborhood black cat was on top of him and they were fighting.
Melvin is a good fighter. He has whooped this cat before and chased it out of our yard. After that first encounter he stayed outside prowling for at least 2 more hours, refusing to come inside until I went out and carried him in. He even killed a mouse for good measure and left it as a warning.
So I suppose the neighborhood fatty was back for revenge. Once I figured out what was going on I threw the door open and called for Melvin. The black cat ran away and Melvin sprang up and ran in the house. His tail was puffed up huge, but he immediately laid down on the kitchen floor and began cleaning himself. I checked him for wounds and saw none, but I noticed that my patio was scattered with tufts of black fur. I guess Melvin managed to sink in a few claws after all 
.
From now on, he isn’t allowed out after dark.
I am old.
Ironically, I was preparing a lecture on ageism for my Developmental class when it dawned on me that I am old. Not old in the scheme of life, but old as compared to the majority of students on campus. I was walking on campus shortly after this realization and looking around and recalling that I am 6-8 years older than the “average” college student. I have been at this university for 9 years now, including undergrad and grad school. Things have changed so much since I was a freshmen undergraduate student.
Just think of these few poignant examples. When I started college:
–Not everyone had a cell phone. Most of us connected with each other by calling land lines in our dorm rooms
–AIM (AOL Instant Messenger) was a necessity and everyone was on it at all hours. Because text messaging didn’t exist yet. Because smartphones didn’t exist yet
–We all had desktop computers in our dorms upon which we used AIM
–Facebook had just been invented (my sophomore year!)
–Homestar Runner and Ebaum’s World were the funny things on the internet and we would watch them on our desktop computers, a bunch of us crowded around one screen
–YouTube had just been invented
–You could walk across campus without seeing 3/4 of people using a cell phone
–A significant portion of my friends went home over breaks to dial-up internet and AOL
–Almost nobody had a laptop in class… we took notes the old fashioned way
–There was a place in the student union where you could go to rent DVDs. You know, like before Netflix and Red Box killed Blockbuster
–I had a TV in my room that had an attached VCR
Point is, a lot has changed in a decade. Just think of how I am going to feel when I am 30 years older than I am now! Sheesh!
Colonoscopy!
Let me just say that prepping for a colonoscopy is probably the worst thing I have ever done.
Well, let me preface that by saying that I had a colonoscopy because I have been having some, uh, problems that they suspected might be ulcerative colitis or Crohn’s disease. I was in the emergency room two weeks ago with symptoms, so my doctors wanted to follow up with this procedure.
To prep for the exam you have to first fast for an entire day. You can’t eat any solid food and you can’t drink anything but clear liquids (so like Sprite, chicken broth, lemon jello, Gatorade, etc.). I still had to go to work and teach and do all of that, so by the time it was noon I was starving and exhausted and likely dehydrated. My blood sugar was low so my brain felt like it was going to explode right out of my skull. And I was TIRED. So unbelievably tired. I had to take 2 naps while at work just to make it through the day.
That night you then have to drink a gallon of this nasty liquid. You are supposed to drink 1 cup of it every 15 minutes for like 3 straight hours. And it is supposed to clean you out. And I mean CLEAN. YOU. OUT. It didn’t taste bad (they gave me some flavor packets so I made it lemon-lime flavor), but the consistency of it was terrible. It was like drinking slimy water. After the fourth cup of it my stomach revolted and threw it back up. That combined with the headache (which just kept getting worse) combined with the exhaustion and the constant diarrhea and bloating really was just horrendous. Poor John had to sit with me and force me to drink the stuff while I sobbed like a baby. Because of the vomiting, the doctor on call told me to space out the doses more, so I ended up having to stay up nearly all night to drink all of the nastiness. I think I got a maximum of 3 hours of sleep.
They actually put you out for the procedure, and my mom joked that they wouldn’t even need to use drugs I would be so tired. She was kind of right. They put me in this little curtained area and gave me a gown and I threw that thing on and hopped up into the little bed and covered myself with a sheet and got comfy. The nurse laughed when she saw me. They did indeed knock me out and it literally took less than 3 seconds from the time they put it in the IV to the time I was asleep. It was glorious. I woke up when the nurse tried to take the oxygen off of my face and I was so sad that sleep was over. I wanted to lay there forever.
But anyway, to make a long story less long, they said my colon looks normal. They took a sample to get a biopsy but I don’t anticipate any negative results. I also have to get 2 more tests done at the lab but I don’t know what they are for really because I was half dead when the nurse explained it to me.
Moral of the story: Never, ever get a colonoscopy.
Purr More, Hiss Less
I found this adorable book at the library called Purr More, Hiss Less: Heavenly Lessons I Learned from My Cat. It is written by Allia Zobel Nolan and illustrated by Erika Oller. The illustrations are gorgeous and adorable. Each picture has a little “lesson” on the accompanying page. This might seem incredibly dorky but once you see the cuteness you will know what I mean. I photographed some of my favorite pages before I have to return the book. Here they are, complete with the captions. All credit goes to the aforementioned authors.
- If at first you don’t succeed, take a nap and try again.
Don't worry; be silly.
Be happy for your neighbor's accomplishments
Avoid gluttony… unless it’s absolutely necessary
Offer a shoulder for friends to lean on
If you must walk all over people, do it quickly
Make a joyful noise!
Surprise the people you love
If someone steps on your tail, forgive and forget
Take time to stare out the window
Stay on top of things
Matched!
I am fairly certain that almost everyone who reads this blog already has the news, but the results of the internship match are in! I matched at my top choice site! Because of privacy reasons I don’t want to post the actual location, but it is about 2 hours away from our home at a university counseling center. I am thrilled beyond belief and feel so relieved and excited and a little nervous all at the same time.
I figured I will do a little explaining of the nitty gritty details for those who don’t fully know about the process. The psychology internship is very similar to residency for physicians. The difference is that I do not get my Ph.D. before the internship, but I will receive it after I complete the required 2,000 hours of internship (and after I defend my dissertation, but that’s a minor detail, ha). The internship is a year long, full-time placement. It is paid (double my current salary!) and it will provide me with health benefits, vacation time, etc., just like any other job. I will be providing counseling, assessment, and outreach services to university students.
Because we got our internships through a computerized match process, this is NOT like a job application where I got several offers and chose the one I wanted. The internship sites ranked their applicants and the applicants ranked the sites they interviewed at, and a computer matched them up based on some mathematical crap. Wherever you match is an assignment– in other words, you have to go there for your internship. Prior to participating in “the match,” you entered into a contract with the American Psychological Association stating that you would go wherever you are placed, and there are sanctions for breaking the contract. Each applicant is matched with one site only, if they are matched at all. Statistics from this year’s match showed that 25% of applicants participating did not match to any site. So I consider myself very lucky to have matched, and to have matched at my top choice at that!
There will be three interns total, myself and two others. I have yet to find out who the other two are, but I spoke with the training director at my site and he is planning on putting us in contact with each other. I am excited to meet some other folks from different programs than my own.
Also, because the internship is 2 hours away, I will be moving for the year. John is not coming with me because we have a house and he has a stable job here. I will be finding a cheap little apartment in the city and likely coming home most weekends. Melvin will be staying with John. This makes me really sad to think about, but after lots of thought and discussion we decided it would be the best thing for Melvin. We also decided (of course) that me moving by myself would be the best thing for the situation, even though it will definitely be difficult. The internship does not start until mid to late summer (don’t have exact details yet but I am supposed to get a contract in the mail soon). I will be apartment hunting around June, most likely.
In closing, I wanted to say a big THANK YOU to everyone who supported me during this extremely stressful process. I am so glad it is over and so thankful that it turned out well. Although I will sincerely miss everyone while I am out of state, I am also excited for this unique opportunity that I will never have again. Thank you in advance for your continued support of me, and even more importantly, of John, while he is here sans wife!
Ohio is disappointing us all
The following article has been circulating on my graduate program’s listserv:
http://www.ohio.com/editorial/thom-yantek-why-students-don-t-graduate-1.263955
If you have a moment in your day, I would encourage you to read it. It is about why students at colleges and universities in Ohio are so unsuccessful academically and at finishing their degrees. Essentially, it comes down to failings at the high school level. Which essentially comes down to failings in our government. I feel sad that education of any type is not more of a priority in our country, let alone this state.
I have worked both as a counselor for college students and as an instructor for nearly 5 years now, and I agree wholeheartedly with what is written in this article. Ohio, you fail!
Consider Yourself Ranked!
The long and torturous internship application process has come to a close. Tuesday night I submitted my rankings to the online system. Now all I have to do is sit back and wait until February 24 for the computer to *hopefully* match me with an internship site on my list.
Essentially, I had to rank all 12 of the internship sites I interviewed with in order of preference. It is really hard to figure all that out when they have so many good qualities each. What I ended up doing is somewhat mathematical, but I felt like it was the most effective way to get the job done. I made a column for each quality that I considered important (APA-accreditation, “Fit/Environment”, training goals, and location), and then ranked each site according to each quality. This required me to give each site 4 slips of paper (one for each category). Each site had its own color. Then I laid the slips out on the floor under each column and fiddled with things until I felt like everything was in the right order. Then I added up the “points,” so to speak. The top site in each category got 12 points, the bottom site got 1. The totals helped me get my initial rankings, and then I put the list away and went back to it the following day to allow my heart to adjust things as necessary. APA prohibits us from publicly disclosing our ranking decisions, but if you want to know more details please ask me.
Here’s Melvin “assisting” with the process:
The Sads
When I start feeling overwhelmed and down (which has happened a lot lately, unfortunately), one nice fix is always a good laugh. And what better way to get a good laugh than by doing Mad Libs?! My friend Kaela and I have been doing them like crazy in our not-so-spare time. Here are some of my favorite parts. They are all taken from a book with a dating theme. Words we submitted are in bold (disclosure: not appropriate for children!).
- What is love? Love is perky, wet, and hard. It fondles and allows you to feel sticky. … When love is in the air, the sky is sweaty and the animals sex. Love is like a loose boob.
- Kaela and Luke went on a blind date. He was shiny and smelled like sandwich. She was obnoxious and wore a holy dress. He picked her up at the Sheetz bathroom in a dirty GTO. He gave her shirts since it was their first date. Later they wiped so they could sniff each other better. They enjoyed high-fiving and decided to get a giraffe.
- “Do you slide here often?” “Yes,” she responded, “I bring my pet here to conjugate with the other animals. Would you like to lick me here tomorrow?”
- “I told you I was going to the ghetto and that I was going to taste,” Melvin replied softly. “Yes, but you went with your furry friends, and you sucked too. You also picked up juicy penguins, and you didn’t call. That’s it!” she said lovingly. “Well, you went to a port-o-potty last night, and you sexed. You didn’t even tell me,” he responded.
- “Where is the best place to find a guy?” my friend Toni asked me. “Well,” I answered, what type of guy are you looking for?” She replied, “A murderous gassy type who has pink butts.” “In that case, I think you should go to a dragon cave or boxing day.” “What should I say to him?” she asked. “Ask him if he likes to mow, and if he says yes, ask him out. And make sure he’s oily and gay. If so, he’ll make a naked boyfriend,” I replied.
- “She’s sultry and hormonal, and you’re filthy. We have acne together, but you and I always attack.” … “But he’s my bastard nugget!” he cried. “I know,” she reponded. He’s moist, and you’re a jaguar. Goodbye!”
- To make a cheesy whisker, start by describing your lampshades and your bikini. You probably also want to include whether you stalk or not. If you are jiggly and robust, you will surely find a good straw.
